The doctor's basically said he has a month to live.

This has been the worst week ever.

Rillstone's dad died. I can't get over the fact that life is so fragile and it can be taken away from even the closest of us. Because of this, he's seriously contemplating moving back to Jacksonville and this would be terrible, I'd lose a great friend.

Sarah broke up with me last night. I don't blame her, it was expected and everyone say it coming.. except me. I'm a fool.

My father's in the hospital. His diabetes is acting up. Low blood sugar plus the lack of food and sleep has forced him to vomit uncontrollably for the past four days. We put him into the hospital. He's in the ER right at this moment, hooked up to a bunch of heart machines. He has an irregular heart beat and everything they're trying to do isn't working. This fucking sucks.

I waited for Sarah's call all day. It never came. I told her to call me today because she said she still wanted to hang out, but I guess that fell through. I don't reckon she'd want to see me yet anyway. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I just want to forget all this.



Tomorrow's sunshine always brings more pain for me. It always gets worse before it gets better, but I don't know how things could get any worse.

Current Mood: depressed

The smokestack spitting black soot into the sooty sky
The load on the road brings a tear to the indian's eye
The elephant won't forget what it's like inside his cage
The ringmaster's telecaster sings on an empty stage

Goddamn right it's a beautiful day
Goddamn right it's a beautiful day

The girl with the curls and the sweet pink ribbon in her hair
She's crawling out her window 'cause her daddy
He just don't care
Come on

Goddamn right it's a beautiful day
Goddamn right it's a beautiful day

The clown with the frown driving down to the sidewalk fair
Finger on the trigger let me tell you gave us quite a scare

Goddamn right it's a beautiful day
Goddamn right it's a beautiful day

The kids flip their lids when their ids hear that crazy sound
My neighbor digs the flavor still he's moving to another town
And I don't believe he'll come back

Goddamn right it's a beautiful day
Goddamn right it's a beautiful day

Well i don't know how you take in all the shit you see
No don't believe anyone and most of all
Don't believe me
Believe you

Goddamn right it's a beautiful day
Goddamn right it's a beautiful day

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: ween

Sometimes it's best not to say anything at all, and now I feel like shit and I don't know if I should tell anyone why. Everything hurts and everything's wrong and I can't help but feel I'm alone.

I keep wanted to wake up to be someone else, I'll feel better, I won't be in pain, but that will never happen. Nothing makes this any easier and sometimes I feel like jumping in front of a bus.

It's just one of those days.

I taste blood.

Current Music: The Blood Brothers - My First Kiss at the Public Execution

I really feel comfortable with her. It's like we can tell eachother everything and anything..


And apparently, we did.



<3

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Converge - Concubine

I'm so close but I can't grab it.





I want it.







I need it.

In through the mouth, down to the lungs, out through the nose. The smoke creeps passed my lips and disperses into the air. I sit along and ponder. I wish I could everything better for her, and I wish I could make her happy, even if it means to sacrifice my own happiness. This is true love, and I can't imagine feeling any other way. I can't wait to see her next, I can't wait to embrace her next. Her sarcasm, her teasing me, the way she smells. She's perfect, and she's all I could ever ask for for my birthday.



I love.

Current Mood: contemplative